VISIT THE SMALLEST PARKING LOT IN THE WORLD DEDICATED TO THE ART OF UNWATCHABLE MOVIEMAKING — THE LOW RATINGS MUSEUM AT FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING

March 15, 2026

The 1st 3rd Annual Low Ratings Academy Awards

"Virtually Unwatchable." Hosted by "Horrible" Jimmy Kimmel at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Total production budget: $11.99.

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Venue Announcement

Four Seasons Total Landscaping Confirmed as Ceremony Venue

Conveniently located between a crematorium and an adult bookstore. Podium included. "It's not the Four Seasons you're thinking of."

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Official Catering

Covfefe Catering Announces the Official Refreshments Menu

Hamberders on silver platters. Diet Coke arranged like fine wine. Covfefe on tap. Courtesy of the President. Abraham Lincoln watches in silence.

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The Trophy

Academy Unveils Official Award: The Very Large Hands Trophy

Spray-painted Oscar statue holding a miniature globe. Winners also receive a participation ribbon and a Sharpie-signed napkin.

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Red Carpet

Red Carpet Security Upgrade: Traffic Cone Deployed

Bath towel carpet sourced from Home Depot clearance. Spotlight courtesy of a flashlight duct-taped to a broom handle. No entry without invitation.

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Award Category

"Unwatchable! Sad." Award for Best Western

Director's chair tipped over. Prop gun on the ground. "SAFETY FIRST" sign has fallen off the wall. Golden-hour lighting on a disaster.

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Award Category

"Going the Extra Mule" Award Mascot Refuses to Concede

The official mule, wearing a tiny golden crown, continues to hold a document reading "DEBUNKED" and will not let go.

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THE CEREMONY

Jimmy Kimmel

"HORRIBLE" HOST

JIMMY KIMMEL

"Jimmy Kimmel was horrible, and some of these people. If I can't beat out Jimmy Kimmel in terms of talent, then I don't think I should be president."
— President Donald J. Trump

Trevor Noah

"POOR, PATHETIC, TALENTLESS DOPE OF AN M.C."

CHIEF ANTAGONIST TREVOR NOAH

"Noah, a total loser, better get his facts straight, and get them straight fast. It looks like I'll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor, pathetic, talentless, dope of an M.C."
— President Donald J. Trump, 1:01 AM

Kathy Griffin

"SICK!" HEAD OF CEREMONY

KATHY GRIFFIN

"Kathy Griffin should be ashamed of herself. My children, especially my 11-year-old son, Barron, are having a hard time with this. Sick!"
— President Donald J. Trump

* Title is purely ceremonial and in no way references any prior incidents involving heads.

THE AWARDS

BEST PICTURE

NOMINEES

🏆 WINNER

MELANIA

Dir. Brett Ratner • IMDB: 1.3/10 • "Virtually Unwatchable"

SINNERS

Dir. Ryan Coogler • 16 Oscar Nominations • Disqualified (Too Watchable)

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER

Dir. Paul Thomas Anderson • 13 Oscar Nominations • Disqualified (Too Watchable)

FRANKENSTEIN

Dir. Guillermo del Toro • 9 Oscar Nominations • Disqualified (Too Watchable)

THE "GOING THE EXTRA MULE" AWARD

Outstanding Achievement in Fiction Presented as Fact

NOMINEES

Dinesh D'Souza
🏆 WINNER

2000 MULES (2022)

Dir. Dinesh D'Souza • Pulled from all platforms • Publisher issued formal apology

"Indefensible." — Former Attorney General Bill Barr (while laughing)

True the Vote admitted to a Georgia judge it does not have the evidence to support its claims. Salem Media settled for a "significant" amount, retracted the film, and apologized.

MELANIA (2026)

Dir. Brett Ratner • A strong contender in this category as well

THE "UNWATCHABLE! SAD." AWARD FOR BEST WESTERN

For Excellence in On-Set Firearm Management & "No Talent" Impersonation

NOMINEES

Alec Baldwin
🏆 WINNER

ALEC BALDWIN

Rust (2023) • "Has no talent, certainly when it comes to imitating me."

"Just tried watching Saturday Night Live — unwatchable! Totally biased, not funny and the Baldwin impersonation just can't get any worse. Sad." — President Donald J. Trump

THE "VERY LOW IQ" AWARD

Outstanding Lack of Intelligence Despite Prior Career Achievements

NOMINEES

Robert De Niro
🏆 WINNER

ROBERT DE NIRO

"A very Low IQ individual" who "received too many shots to the head by real boxers in movies."

"Wake up Punchy!" — President Donald J. Trump, tweeted while flying back from Singapore

THE "A HATE CRIME IN REVERSE" AWARD

For Outstanding Achievement in Beating Up Yourself

NOMINEES

Jussie Smollett
🏆 WINNER

JUSSIE SMOLLETT

Empire (2015-2020) • Also starring in: The People v. Jussie Smollett

"This wise guy Jussie Smollett, who beat up... himself. And he said MAGA country did it. MAGA country. It is a scam. A real big scam." — President Donald J. Trump

Conviction later overturned by Supreme Court of Illinois on Fifth Amendment grounds. Special prosecutor noted Smollett is "not innocent."

THE "WOKE AND DESTRUCTIVE" AWARD

For Cherished American Award Recipients Who Don't Deserve It

NOMINEES

Tom Hanks
🏆 WINNER

TOM HANKS

The Thayer Award (Cancelled)

"Our great West Point has smartly cancelled the Award Ceremony for actor Tom Hanks. Important move! We don't need destructive, WOKE recipients getting our cherished American Awards!!!" — President Donald J. Trump

THE "MOST OVER-RATED" AWARD

For Hillary Flunkies Who Don't Know Me

NOMINEES

Meryl Streep
🏆 WINNER

MERYL STREEP

21 Academy Award Nominations • 3 Wins • "One of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood"

"Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn't know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a Hillary flunky who lost big." — President Donald J. Trump, 6:27 AM

Streep's offense: Using her Cecil B. DeMille Award acceptance speech to note that Trump mocked a disabled reporter. "Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose."

THE "WORST ACTOR IN THE BUSINESS" AWARD

For Outstanding Contributions to Being a Hulking Disappointment

NOMINEES

Mark Ruffalo
🏆 WINNER

MARK RUFFALO

Golden Globes 2026 • "The worst human being in the world" (his words about Trump, not ours)

"Poor thing Mark Ruffalo, star of She-Hulk, is one of the worst actors in the business." — White House Director of Communications Steven Cheung

Ruffalo called the President "a convicted felon," "the worst human being," and "a pedophile" on the Golden Globes red carpet while wearing a "Be Good" pin.

THE "TOTAL LOSER" AWARD FOR CHIEF ANTAGONIST

"What are you gonna do about it?"

NOMINEES

Trevor Noah
🏆 WINNER

TREVOR NOAH

68th Grammy Awards (2026) • "Poor, pathetic, talentless, dope of an M.C."

"Epstein's island is gone, he needs a new island to hang out with Bill Clinton." — The joke that launched a 1:01 AM Truth Social meltdown

Noah's response: "Oh, I told you, it's my last year. What are you going to do about it?"

THE "DISGUSTING BOTH INSIDE AND OUT" LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

"No, it will never end."

RECIPIENT

Rosie O'Donnell
🏆 LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT

ROSIE O'DONNELL

Two decades of service to the Republic

"Rosie O'Donnell's disgusting both inside and out. You take a look at her, she's a slob." — DJT

"A big fat pig." — DJT

"Fat, rude, crude & not smart." — DJT

"A mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser." — DJT

"A Threat to Humanity." — DJT

When asked at the 2015 GOP debate about calling women "fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals," Trump replied: "Only Rosie O'Donnell."

When asked if the feud would ever end, Trump replied: "No, it will never end, but she has become totally irrelevant!"

O'Donnell's acceptance speech will be delivered from Ireland, where she now resides after Trump threatened to revoke her citizenship. She called him "Tangerine Mussolini."

THE PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENT

DJT

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

The Grammy Awards are the WORST, virtually unwatchable! CBS is lucky not to have this garbage litter their airwaves any longer. The host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be, is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel at the Low Ratings Academy Awards. Noah said, INCORRECTLY about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island. WRONG!!! I can't speak for Bill, but I have never been to Epstein Island, nor anywhere close, and until tonight's false and defamatory, statement, have never been accused of being there, not even by the Fake News Media. Noah, a total loser, better get his facts straight, and get them straight fast. It looks like I'll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor, pathetic, talentless, dope of a M.C., and suing him for plenty$. Ask Little George Slopadopolus, and others, how that all worked out. Also ask CBS! Get ready Noah, I'm going to have some fun with you! President DJT

341 ReTruths • 1.11k Likes • 2/2/26, 12:45 AM

* This post is the founding document of the Low Ratings Academy Awards. We are simply giving the President what he asked for.

THE "REAL" NOMINEES

The following films were also nominated at the so-called "legitimate" 98th Academy Awards,
which we understand drew very low ratings.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

NOMINEES

TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET

Marty Supreme

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

One Battle after Another

ETHAN HAWKE

Blue Moon

MICHAEL B. JORDAN

Sinners

WAGNER MOURA

The Secret Agent

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

NOMINEES

JESSIE BUCKLEY

Hamnet

ROSE BYRNE

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

KATE HUDSON

Song Sung Blue

RENATE REINSVE

Sentimental Value

EMMA STONE

Bugonia

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

NOMINEES

BENICIO DEL TORO

One Battle after Another

JACOB ELORDI

Frankenstein

DELROY LINDO

Sinners

SEAN PENN

One Battle after Another

STELLAN SKARSGÅRD

Sentimental Value

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

NOMINEES

ELLE FANNING

Sentimental Value

INGA IBSDOTTER LILLEAAS

Sentimental Value

AMY MADIGAN

Weapons

WUNMI MOSAKU

Sinners

TEYANA TAYLOR

One Battle after Another

DIRECTING

NOMINEES

PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON

One Battle after Another

RYAN COOGLER

Sinners

JOSH SAFDIE

Marty Supreme

JOACHIM TRIER

Sentimental Value

CHLOÉ ZHAO

Hamnet

BEST PICTURE

NOMINEES

BUGONIA

F1

FRANKENSTEIN

HAMNET

MARTY SUPREME

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER

THE SECRET AGENT

SENTIMENTAL VALUE

SINNERS

TRAIN DREAMS

* None of these films are Melania, and therefore none of them matter.